A Visit to the South Pole
by MeganKoumori
Summary: An alternate to 'The Avatar Returns.' Zuko goes to the South Pole, but instead of the Avatar, finds some unsual natives. Deliberate OC-ness.


The ship had stopped at the snowy bank and let down its plank. The Fire Nation Soldiers marched down it solemnly and onto the frozen ground. Their leader, a teenager in a helmet with a large scar over his eye, stopped in front of the native southerns.

"Well," he demanded. "Where is he?" The Water Tribe stared at him blankly. As his dark eyes scanned the crowd, it broke apart and a Water Tribe boy, about his own age, headed toward him.

"Welcome!" He said warmly. He grabbed the other's hand and shook it so vigorously, that the Fire Nation boy almost fell down. "Thanks for coming!"

The leader took back his hand. "I am Zuko, Prince of the Fire Nation, and I have come seeking…"

"And I am Sokka!" Interrupted the Water Tribe boy. He slung an arm around Zuko and guided him toward the villagers. "You know we don't get many visitors here…"

"Please remove your arm."

"So," Sokka continued as he broke away. "When we do have guests, we've come up with a little tradition of our own!" He ran behind an old woman and shepherded her forward.

"I am not interested in your traditions!" Shouted Zuko. "Now tell me…"

The man next to him, an older chubby man, interrupted, "Now Zuko, let the boy speak. You just might learn something from their culture that you find most intriguing."

"As I was saying," said Sokka, his hands on the old woman's shoulders. "As our special guest, you get to eat our grandmother!"

Zuko's face twisted in horror and shock. _"Say what?"_

"Call me Din-Din," said the old woman.

"That's insane!" Hollered Zuko. "I'm not eating anyone! You're all crazy!"

"Prince Zuko," said the chubby man. "I know their customs may seem strange, but their way of life has worked for hundreds, maybe even thousands of years!"

"But Uncle Iroh…"

"You should not disrespect them because they do things that are unfamiliar." Iroh turned to the villagers who had his arm stretched out and were salting it. "That tickles!"

Zuko groaned.

Sokka put a hand on his hip. "So are you going to eat my grandmother or not?"

"I wish you would hurry up," said the grandmother. "I'm getting cold."

Big fireballs shot out of Zuko's fists as he yelled out angrily. "I don't want to eat your grandmother! I want the Avatar!"

The villagers gasped. "So that's how it is!" Said Sokka. "We offer you a nice delicious grandma and you turn your nose up at her! Not good enough for you! You want to eat the Avatar!"

"What?" Cried Zuko. "No! I never said I wanted to eat him!"

"You know," said Iroh. "I always say try food at least once to see if you like it. Who knows? Avatars might be delicious! Especially with a pot of freshly brewed ginseng tea!" The villagers had tied his hands and feet to a long stick. Now they picked him up and started to carry him away to a hut.

Sokka pointed at him. "By refusing to eat our grandmother, you have insulted us! We have no choice! We declare war on you!"

Zuko clutched his head tightly to keep from blasting Sokka off the face of the earth. "We're already in a war!" He hollered.

"Well, tough toodle-loo, Pal! We declared war first!"

"No! You didn't!" Zuko shot an angry blast into the ground.

"Attack!" Yelled Sokka. Snowballs flew at Zuko's head, pelting him until his helmet fell off.

"Stop it! I demand you stop it!" Zuko looked up just in time to see a throng of children pounce on him. They knocked him to the ground and dumped more snow on his head.

"Hey! That's cold!" Zuko pushed them off and jumped up. "Uncle!" The children lunged at his legs and torso and hung on like monkeys. "Uncle!"

* * *

Iroh was bound tightly to the spit above the fire as the villagers turned him around and around. "You know," he said. "I always say a dash of oregano makes everything taste better! You should try it!"

Zuko appeared at the hut door, pulling children off and tossing them into the snow. "Uncle, we're leaving! These people are lunatics!"

Iroh pouted. "Oh, but Prince Zuko, they've invited us to dinner!"

Zuko fire blasted the villagers out of the way. He grabbed the rod Iroh was tied to and dashed out the door, the old man over his shoulder like a bandana tied to a stick.

As he ran toward the ship, he could hear the Water Tribe jeering. Snowballs whizzed by their heads. Iroh watched the mob of angry villagers chasing behind him. "Ah, Prince Zuko, no matter where you go, you always seem to make the same unique types of friends."

"Tell me about it," Zuko muttered as he ran up the plank. "I crossed off friendship as an asset a long time ago, Uncle." To the captain, Zuko shouted, "Get us out of here, as fast as we can!" The captain saluted, and the ship began to move.

Zuko propped Iroh up against the ship wall and started to untie him. "What a lovely people," said Iroh.

"The were deranged, Uncle! They tried to make me eat their grandma, then they attack us with Snowballs of Doom, and what do I find? Iroh Flambé!" He sighed and leaned over the ship rail. "I just suffered one of the most bizarre and humiliating defeats in my life, and I'm still no closer to capturing the Avatar than the day my father banished me."

Iroh was beside him, waving at the village as they sailed away. "Goodbye!" He called. "Goodbye! See you next time." He sighed and looked at Zuko. "Such a lovely little tribe. I cannot wait to visit again!"

A moment later there was a splash into the sea. Iroh stuck his head out of the water. "Zuko! I was kidding! Come on, let your poor uncle in?"


End file.
